Estranged but Not Broken: Rebuilding Family Ties through Faith

Family relationships are tough; Matt 13:57 - a prophet is not without honor (respect) except in his hometown and among his relatives and in his own household.

Family relationships are just plain difficult. I grew up as the youngest in a family of four girls and later five when my parents fostered another daughter. Wow, poor dad. Five women mostly under his roof except for our dog, Tuffy. His peace he often found was when he went to the bathroom, if he could find it empty.

How do two people fall in love and have a family of multiple children and they turn out so different from one another? Parents are often caught in this thought or saying it aloud. My husband and I had three girls and one additional “daughter” joined our household. Now I have two granddaughters from my extra daughter.

How do we maintain relationships when so many differences of opinions, philosophies, beliefs begin to be voiced? Are family relationships worth fighting for when the differences seem vast and unapologetic?

What about estranged relationships? What then?

I’ve seen these things happen within my own family and in the lives of those I care about. How do we mend, so we can move forward?

Does mending require two or more to happen?

When I read the story in the Bible of the Prodigal Son, I am often convicted when I see myself as the brother at home doing the “right” things and then being the one to say “Really! Are you kidding me?” “(S)He gets the party, recognition, bragging on?

I also have been in the “right: to draw boundaries around some hurtful thoughts and considerations and yet in all “my righteousness” of doing this have caused family hurt and distance. When is it time to hold the line or let go?

This month, I have been grateful and extremely thankful to God to see mending and movement forward in one of my own close relationships. Right now, all I can say is “Thank you, God, and you are so, so good.”

Here are my current takeaway lessons from hurt and estrangement in relationships which I’m learning.

1. The humility of knowing who I am before Almighty God. In God’s presence believers are on the same level. “All have fallen short of the glory of God.”

2. Every person holds a different perspective and we all come to the table with different experiences that have built that perspective. Flawed or not.

3. Praying for God to give each one involved understanding, forgiveness and compassion. Be open to God pointing out your own error or sin that is part of the problem.

4. Praying for the person by name and daily. I have heard and now found it true, you can’t stay angry at the one for whom you pray.

5. Realize the impact and damage this can do beyond just those involved - “don’t let bitterness take root and grow up lest it defile many.”

6. Take action when appropriate to keep dialogue going and ask for forgiveness from both God and the otherside as well as the desire to mend the relationship.

7. Sometimes as in the Prodigal Son’s story, you have to let the person go on their journey. Then pray, watch and be sure to leave the door open–especially for your children.

Ultimately, Satan wins when we stay in bitterness and anger. Do your part, employ the steps here and reach out for a coaching session or two. In other words, work on yourself, trust God to be working “all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28